What do I want to be?

 A sermon I preached on the Conversion of St.Paul at St.Padarns on 25.01.2023

What did you want to be when you grew up? Apparently, when I was 4, I wanted to be the Pope.  Later on I wanted to be a prima ballerina, a teacher, a librarian, a fashion designer, a brick layer. I had eclectic tastes. 

Today we are celebrating the conversion of Paul the apostle (Acts 9:1-22). The great evangelist, letter writer and martyr. If he had been asked as a child what he wanted to be when he grew up the answer would not have been any of those descriptions. In fact in the reading we heard from the letter to the Galatians (1:11-16) he described himself as one who was “ ....advancing in Judaism beyond many of my own age among my people and...extremely zealous for the traditions of my fathers.” 

When I think of Paul I always think of him as having been a bright and rising star. He was clever, he was committed and he was even zealous. The word zealous can be described as being passionate about a cause. Saul was passionate for God and for his beliefs.

I could imagine him being one of the names you would want to watch. I can imagine young women desperate to make a good and pleasing marriage with someone so important. Today he might have been someone you want to meet, someone impressive and imagine being found with someone like Saul in the temple. You would have street cred.

Of course that was all to change. Life turned around. The man who could only do right in the eyes of the leaders of his faith completely turned against what he was meant to be doing. Saul, was on his way to persecute Christians, and then he had an amazing moment where he was blinded and heard the voice of Jesus. He completely turned around, he wasn’t going to persecute the followers of Jesus as he became one himself.

Talk about a complete turn around. Except what he ended up doing was not a turn around at all. He was still zealous but now he was zealous for Jesus. He knew that the God he had worshipped and followed had come amongst us. He knew that Jesus was worth knowing and so he was still as zealous but now he could see that his zeal had been a little misplaced or confused.

Tom Wright in his book, “Paul” wonders whether Saul was actually practising a type of meditation that was popular amongst Jews at the time. This meditation involved focussing on Ezekiel’s vision of a chariot of fire coming from heaven. This in turn would be a way to bring God to the person meditating. It is only a thought, but I love the idea that Saul may have been focussing so much on God at that moment, that for him to hear the voice of Jesus, God Himself, must have been amazing.

Our first hymn this morning Amazing Grace, spoke about the moment when God saved us on the cross. It doesn't matter who we are, we turn to Him.  I think the whole idea that God is there for us and speaks to us, whether through other people or something we read is the best thought ever. 

One of my favourite books is called, “what's so amazing about Grace.” This book is by Philip Yancey and in it he tells the stories of people who have experienced and practised grace to one another. It really is a great book. One of my favourite parts is actually in the blurb on the back. It says, ‘there is nothing we can do to make God love us less and nothing we can do to make God love us more.’ 

I remember that I used to spend so much time trying to please God that I forgot that the cross and forgiveness was not to make me feel guilty but to make me feel free. Those words made me have a sudden, ‘well obviously’ realisation. Jesus didn't die to make us work hard to find Him. We could almost change the words in the hymn Amazing Grace, ‘I once was lost but now am found’ to,  ‘I once was lost but now am free’.

Paul had been zealous for God, always trying to make sure that he kept to the laws he had known. Then he became zealous for Jesus, he would not stop preaching about Jesus.

Talk about a turn around. We have all experienced a call from God, it may have been a complete turn around for us, that made us think - really? Or it may have been more of a - ‘yes, of course’ moment. In our quiet moments praying, thinking about God we may have felt a sense of overwhelming peace and love, it may have been less dramatic than Paul’s experience, but it certainly was a moment between us and God. 

No matter what we wanted, or expected to be, how perfect to know that we can and do change. It is also good to remember that none of us are the perfect Christian. None of us is the finished article, that will only happen in heaven. In the meantime we are trying to bring heaven to earth by the way we live and the ways that we seek to be more like God.

Maybe rather than what do we want to be when we grow up, or what we wanted to be when we grew up we would do well to remember that God loves us and all He really wants is that we will seek to be more like Him day by day. Also, there really is nothing we can do to make God loves us more and nothing we can do to make God love us less. After all, God always loved Paul even when he was persecuting the Christians. AMEN